The cycle of addictive behavior and the emotional pain at its core were discussed by two speakers Monday evening at Tusculum College as part of Alcohol Awareness Week on campus.

Stan Leonard, a licensed addiction counselor who has over 24 years of experience in mental health service, provided information about the cycle of addictive behavior and how it can be addressed. Ken Gaskins shared how addictions came to rule his life and how he was delivered from those addictions through God's work in his life.

Leonard, president of Mustard Seed Ministries in Kingsport and an ordained minister, also shared information about how alcohol affects parts of the brain, starting with a person's reasoning skills with just a few drinks, then progressing to muscle control and vital functions as the number of drinks increases.

It is possible to overdose on alcohol, he cautioned. This is a concern on college campuses because of the popularity of games to see how much a person can drink in a short amount of time, he continued, which can be deadly because of the possibility of ingesting enough alcohol in a brief period to stop the major organs from functioning.

All addictions follow a similar pattern, Leonard said. "Most people think what drives addiction is the euphoria or the thrill, but what drives all addictions is pain," he continued. "It is human nature to look for a way to end pain."

Using an example of a headache, Leonard said he could try to take a nap or try one kind of medicine with no results before taking an aspirin that cures the headache. The next time that he gets a headache, he would take the aspirin rather than repeat the whole process again.

"We go for what works, which then becomes a habit," he said. "Although the word 'habit' usually has bad connotations, habits are not necessarily bad. A habit is just a repeated pattern of behavior. Our everyday life is filled with habits. When habits can become problems is when you add emotional content. For example, you come home and say, 'I had a bad day, I need a drink.' If the only way a person can deal with pain is with a habit that is when it crosses the line to addiction."

Addiction turns a person's thought processes upside down, he said. "A doctor can bring in test results … and tell an alcoholic that if he doesn't stop drinking, he will die. Thealcoholic may be smiling and shaking his head yes, but he is thinking, 'you don't understand doctor, if I don't drink, I will die.' He is not drinking to get high, he is drinking to feel normal."

The addiction causes shame, which is emotional and spiritual pain, and so the cycle keeps going because this pain feeds the negative behavior, Leonard said.

Although there are people who are able to end their addictions through 12-step programs, Leonard said he sees some difficulties with these programs' focus on the addictive behavior rather than its cause. "If you only focus on the behavior, you are not dealing with the pain," he said. "When I counsel people, I try to help them deal with the pain, which will stop the engine that is driving the behavior."

Addiction follows a pattern, Leonard said, and people often have to face some severe consequences in their family life, career, and health, "to hit bottom," before they seek help and are able to rebuild their lives and careers.

Leonard's description of addiction's cycle could be seen in Gaskins' presentation about his life journey through addiction, "What Difference Does It Make?" Although he thought that the answer to that question was none when addiction controlled his life, Gaskins said he discovered that personal decisions do make a difference.

"One thing I have learned, it does make a difference," he said. "Your choices do make a difference. … If you give addiction an entry into your life, it will control you and suffocate you."

Detailing his childhood as the son of a minister and a teacher, Gaskins said, "I came from an educated family and was loved and nurtured. . . . I knew right from wrong. I tell you that so you can understand it doesn't matter who you are. Addiction crosses socio-economic classes."

Although he came to faith in God as a youngster and felt his future was to be in the ministry, Gaskins said when he was about 12 years old, he allowed his friends to influence him and he became addicted to nicotine and pornography.

While he had been taught that there are consequences for actions, Gaskins said he didn't see any at the time because he found his addictions pleasurable and was able to hide them. "At that point in my life, I thought 'what difference does it make?' I bought the lie. I was in the trap."

By the time he was 15, Gaskins said he was drinking, smoking marijuana, and having sex, but didn't think he had a problem because he thought he could quit at any time. When he was 16, Gaskins said he experienced the first consequence of his actions as an ex-girlfriend found out she was pregnant. However, his father paid for her to stay in a home for unwed mothers and she gave the baby up for adoption, so Gaskins said, while the situation was uncomfortable for him, it was quickly over.

Afterwards, Gaskins said he had a goal of finishing his education, so he put his addictions aside. "'What difference does my mess make,' I thought," Gaskins said. "I could just pick it up and put it down as I pleased."

This began a cycle for Gaskins of being successful while he was able to set aside his addictions, a return to addictions once success came, and then shame as his addictions led to the ends of marriages and jobs. He recounted how he married his first wife after she became pregnant with twins and that relationship ended after he returned to his old addiction to pornography, which led to adultery and a great inward shame.

"I began to medicate my pain and shame with alcohol," he said. "Within six months of moving to Florida, my wife left and took the children. Suddenly everything was gone. It was an emptiness that I had never known."

He continued to follow the pattern of addiction through two more failed marriages and a rise to and fall from a six-figure salary position. At one point, he said, he did seek God to make things all right after the birth of a daughter, but frustrated because of strife that still existed in that marriage, he made a series of poor decisions and was back into his addictions.

By the beginning of 2004, Gaskins was in his fourth marriage, and he and his wife were spending $11,000 a month on cocaine. "I wanted to stop it, but I couldn't quit," he said. "I was bound and couldn't find any freedom. I couldn't find any way out. I remember standing in my kitchen with my arms raised over my head and crying 'Jesus' to the top of my lungs, but it seemed no help came. It was the first in my life I wanted God Himself. I remembered what He was like and how He treated me, and I also knew how my new master was treating me."

In December of that year, Gaskins said he and his wife, both high, were arguing as they drove to the beach to spend the Christmas holidays. But, Gaskins said, the spirit of God welled up inside him and he told his wife he was saying no to the end of their marriage and then told her about Jesus and salvation through faith in Him. That day ended their drug use, he said, and the two have restored their marriage and he now is at peace inside. "To those struggling with addiction, I can say there is hope. God delivered me," he said.